Epic Fails of History #14

Their deaths are not connected. Perhaps only by the ages of shame.

As with many events from a long time ago, there are conflicting views and testimonies. Historians are therefore skeptical of all three of the following accounts. There is a good reason for that. It's not that they're necessarily made-up, but early chroniclers tended to sometimes favour good stories rather than cold hard truth. 

All these accounts do, however, exist, and from reputable sources at that. Whether they happened exactly like these chronicles tell, or perhaps not at all like that, is anyone's guess. That's how history works... the further into the past you go, the blurrier it gets.

What was more interesting to me, rather than each story by itself, was the brief medieval English obsession with stabbing people in the ass. Like, why though?

So here goes:

Edmund II 'Ironside' died in 1016. According to Henry of Huntingdon, an assassin hidden in his privy stabbed him in the butt the moment he sat down to have a royal poo.

Edward II, captured by enemies, was murdered via insertion-of-a-red-hot-poker-in-the-butthole.

Humphrey de Bohun, 4th Earl of Hereford was an influential noble of, interestingly enough, Edward II's time. Funny old world. He, unlike the other two, died in battle. Subversively, as he and his troops were traversing a wooden bridge, a pikeman hidden under the bridge thrust his pike between the planks, through his anus and skewering his intestines.


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